Getting Engaged in Turkey

Jordanian Ali is engaged to a Turkish girl, Dilek. He got engaged soon after we arrived here, and they had an engagement party at Ali's apartment which I didn't go to because I wasn't feeling well that night. (Everything here seems to happen at night, I like to be in bed by midnight but apparently everyone else stays up all night - that's why shops etc open at 10am, but that's another story.)

I don't know whether they didn't do it right, or if its normal to have two parties - one for each of the engaged couple's families - but on Saturday they were having another party, this time at Dilek's parents' home. Dilek has a big family, but of course Ali's family is in Jordan so we (Stephanie and Peter and I) were standing in for them.

It was Saturday night, so the twenty minute trip took an hour or so, trying to extricate ourselves from the local traffic. When we got there we found the apartment was packed with dozens of happy family members of all ages. There were one or two who we recognised from previous encounters, and several spoke quite good English, so we were able to be sociable and enjoy ourselves.

The food was incredible. All salads, all served cold, a huge table-ful. We have salads in Australia, but nothing like this. The Turks are the Kings of Salad! Not a single plain "green salad" (with lettuce, tomato, carrot and cucumber...) in sight. All sorts of other tasty vegetables, grains, and meats chopped and mixed with various tasty extras like yoghurt and sauces of various kinds. If you are a fan of a good potato salad (and isn't that the one that usually goes first at a barbecue?) then you would love all of these. And then there are the little things wrapped in vine leaves, and ... well, I guess I could spend a long time talking about Turkish salads!

When everyone had eaten and a host of ladies were tidying up and washing up it was time for the rings. (Again, they had done this at the first party, but it had to be done again.) There were two rings tied together with a red ribbon, presented on a special little tray. Ali and Dilek slipped the rings onto their fingers and the appropriate family member cut the ribbon. For the rest of the evening they continued to wear their rings with the ribbons trailing.

Then it was time for lots of Turkish kissing. I love the way everyone here hugs and kisses (both cheeks, of course). Ali and Dilek went around and greeted everyone, and photos had to be taken with each family group. Some people had pure gold coins attached to little red ribbons, and they pinned these onto the happy couple.


While this was going on the cake was brought out. Now, what would you expect to be inside a cake like that?


Ali and Dilek cut the cake, and a small piece was put onto a plate, and they fed each other - to a lot of cheering and clapping. Then the cake was cut up and everyone had a piece. It was a moist, light chocolate cake with cream.

Then Ali came and told Peter he wanted him to open the champagne.

Dutifully Peter struggled with the cork - while most people cowered and waited for the 'pop'.

It just seemed to be stuck hard, so various other people tried. In the end it was pulled out without a sound - it was a still white wine, not champagne at all. Ali and Dilek linked arms and drank some wine, and everyone was pleased.

They walked around with their ribbons on their hands and a pair of scissors and snipped off tiny pieces of ribbon which various people then swallowed. Stephanie said that at the first party she had been given some ribbon to eat. Apparently its a bit like catching the bouquet - you are going to be the next one to get engaged.

We were told that later (after midnight) everyone would be moving to another venue where there was more space and there would be dancing. But we had been teaching all day, and the next day was Sunday when we have to teach all day too. So we caught a taxi and came home.

It was a lovely time - its always good to be part of family fun. And it was a curious mixture of traditions - some that are definitely Turkish and some that seem to have floated in from outside.